|
Dasair
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Dasair
Country: United States
State: Connecticut
Birthday: 8/14/1989
Gender: Female
Interests: I like to draw... listen to rock...(I'm gonna have to riot about 104...) Mess with my swords and daggers... sit alone... and think about Loki ^^ LokiLokiLokiLokiLoki!!!!! nyaha!
Expertise: I can draw manga/animeish.. I know lots of ness bout Loki.. and uh.. Necromancy and death.. heheh...
Occupation: Other
Industry: Other
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
9/20/2003
|
|
| .. Now.. I must question reality.
He said he loved me.
3:30 this morning was the happiest phone call of my life.. even if I was seeming half drugged out with tiredness. And he said it not just once, but many times..
I find myself almost questioning it actually happening. I mean.. you never know with him.. May have even been nothing, it may have come as just a whim on his part..
But it does amaze me how much three simple words, even by themselves, (nevermind the multiple times I heard them,) can make one feel so.. happy. And I truely must say, I haven't been this happy in a long long time...
hehe.. I love you too.
~Dasair | | |
| Random Event of Importance
Well. I am only posting this as a statement to once again, show I am NOT dead.. (hehe.. thank you for commenting before Natsu..)
Also. The event of importance at hand...
"Loki"'s birthday is tomorrow. And I sent him a card.. even though he denies my existence. ^^
That's all. Have a nice day.. *cough*
~Nya. | | |
| .. And Time Has Passed...
PD| too many to remember
DS| same..
MD| ...
____________________________________________________________
Well, as far as necromancy goes, dispite this long amount of time in which I coulda been increasing my skills... it simply hasn't happened. Though, putting aside my stupidly placed lazyness... A lot of necromantic related things have been going on. *le sigh* ... Well, this was now a while ago... But there was this door incident... For a time eariler, the closet door had just been opening on it's own.. no apparent reason. No one ever uses that closet and doesn't shut the door.. Then, the one time that made me more or less wary... was when I was trying to get in the house. The door was locked, and I was just leaning on the door, waiting to be let in, for I had forgotten my key.. I had tried to open it before hand, just to make sure it was locked, and because it was, I just stood there... But of course, knowing me, I get impatient.. So, a little while later I tried again... and it opened.. I wouldn't have thought much of it except for no one was in the house.. and that closet door was open again.. >>' .. Yes, slightly childish sounding.. <<' But, nevertheless, even if it does sound a bit foolish a necromancer is supposed to notice the little things... Other then that, there were pictures... actually quite a few in This Thing's basement with orbs in them.. Lately my senses have been a bit.. everywhere as well... But.. thas about it...
As for my training.. I will surely continue soon... Things have been getting... stressful... again.. and a trip back to Death doesn't seem such a bad idea....
____________________________________________________________
Ok.. Because so much has occured... and I'm already getting bored with typing this.... I'm basically gonna list stuff that happened, even though some of it is indeed important, and I'll just elaborate what's on my mind at the moment..
Well... I don't remember the last time I went here... But since then my black cat, Boogie, died... she was 18...
At school, I have been seeing 'Loki' very little... he almost seems to ignore me... Along with that, in the past few days, I've been trying to email him, yet his goddamn illusive email address always gets to me... and I can't seem to figure the fuckin thing out.
A lot concerning This Thing and Daethnn has happened... >> But all of that I'm not in the least clear on...
School has sucked... and because of my lack in motivation (basically cause I don't see 'Loki' anymore.. ), I've gotten the worst grades this time that I've ever gotten... ever.
This guy.. I'll call him Kanaj, as goes one of his RO identities, apparently is "Head over heels crazy" about me... And I must say, that he's a pretty good guy.. But then, he asked me out... and.. only knowing him for a few weeks kinda didn't really help anything... As well as the obvious statement that everyone who reads this knows, I Like Loki~ ... But I've been hangin out with him on RO and talkin to him on AIM... at first, it was in fact, pretty damn awkward... then it got better...and was quite enjoyable.. but now I think I fucked up again... as always... I'm still waiting to see if he'll talk to me... so far, I've gotten nothing.
And Loki...(nc) ... *sigh* ... This is where my thoughts dwell for today... Not that anyone ever really reads this, so I guess it doesn't matter if I spill my guts all over the place.. Well.... I would say that he's been calling me a lot... if it were a few days ago... And I would say that he's implied imencely (goddamn word, can never spell it right) that he likes me.. I would say how... and will.. if I find no one looks at this... but, either way, that was also past tense. It seemed... things were lookin up for me... But then ... stuff started getting awkward.. I just.. I don't know what it is.. I love Loki. And I've told him.. and he knows, and often likes me to repeat that... but then.. he never says that back... And though it's sorta obvious..... it just makes me sad.. that I love someone who doesn't love me back... At least to my knowledge...
I have problems communicating... as one can likely tell... but all this has just made it all the more awkward... Loki has been getting online less... well.. at least has been being less available... and more.. away.. I didn't talk to him at all yesterday... and.. the day before I feel like I got him mad... and... ... I wish.. I hadn't...
I've lately figured this out... And thus, figured out yet another reason why I tend to isolate myself. The more people there are in the picture, the less attention you give each individual... And that means, maybe you do have a lot of friends, but then you'd be less attached to each one, and thus, simply have worse friendships with many people.. I fear this is starting to happen more than I'd like.. I have been being open to people.. and I have been meeting more and gaining new friends... But now.. now I feel so numb... so numb it hurts.. I just can't believe how.. horrible I feel.. I hate it. I used to be different.. and I feel that I, as well as the people that know me, liked it better then... Now it's just a whole lot of fucking up...
I wish Loki wasn't annoyed with me... When I was in my basement and crying one of the times... the only thing I could think of was me running to him and hiding from the rest of the world.. at least until I calmed down... and.. it made me feel better.. I'm so hopeless... It seems no matter what happens, even good, I'm still so incontent. What the hell do I want? Am I really that greedy? ...
..I just... I don't know anymore...
"You've gone away..
You don't feel me here.. anymore.."
~Dasair | | |
| Finally..
PD|6
DS|4-5
MD|0
______________________________________________________________
I can't say much about all the times I sensed Death aside from I felt it... And right now is not the best time for tryin to dig back in my memory for such things... I just know that, once I do get enough sleep and feel.. er.. better.. Then I must try to go back into Death again..
_______________________________________________________________
...Ok.. Long time no post..
But man, I'm still like.. wicked tired right now, so I may not explain this too well.. (not that I can explain well anyway.. >>)
On teh topic of 'Loki' ... Nothin's been happening.. He's basically started to kinda.. 'ignore my existance' again for whatever reason... maybe cause I haven't really done anything yet... Of course, there's no real time I can now, for he often seems to avoid the places where we'd pass by eachother and otherwise, he's with freidns.. who, generally don't like me... Bleh.. Tis almost been about a year that I've really liked him... still no goddamn conversation.. <<' *le sigh* I don't even know..
But I've also heard something from Daethnn that brings back the thought that he still really hates me... About how he was talkin about me (good) and said somethin about wantin to spit on me or This Thing (could be good, but isn't meant to be..) So yeah...
Only good thing that 'happened' in 'Loki's concern was yesterday.. I was walkin by him and looked at him.. and he kinda glanced at me.. He was wearin mostly black.. and he started to grow his hair out again.. (XD!!) ... So we walked by each other.. And I looked back to see him lookin back at me...X3.. Heh.. I know.. nothin really at all.. But it made me feel good.. and yeah.. You see how much nothing has been goin on for that to be considered a 'happening'...
Anyway.. other things... I've been gettin more friendsish recently.. Eric, Amber D., Amber er.. somethin..., Jo(e) o_O , Amanda.., Scott is more our friend too.. Also been talkin to Jr. more.. Nya. Guess I'm gettin a bit less reclusive.. But still, thas only at school... Otherwise, I'm home by myself for most of the day.. less I gotta help This Thing with shit.. or somethin...
Been on RO a lot.. Heh.. Now that Loki (nc) is on too, it's much more fun.. X3 .. Though, often times I feel like I'm just sorta draggin him down cause I started a new char and all and she's all.. low and pathetic... >> So he tanks me when he could be doin otherwise... <<'' ... I wish we could go on teh Loki server and I could tank him with Sev.. That would be cool, cause then I likely wouldn't feel so bad.. And I wouldn't mind.. Because being around him makes me feel good in general, and I like doin things for him.. *contemplates* ... Maybe it's the same for him . . .
..Meh.. Either way, last night I went to Cat's Confermation Party.. Apparently she's catholic, which I didn't know.. Before she had said somethin about bein Wiccan for a time... That was when I talked to her about necromancy for a bit.. She found it to be quite dark and all and said I should be careful.. But that was last year... Anyway, I went to her confermation party, and ironically saw people who me and This Thing had been talkin about on the way there.. Which was weird, cause we didn't know they even knew Cat. Plus most of them either lived far away or had like moved or somethin.. One of them was Melissa Bilgen.. She was an old friend of ours who we hung out with in elementary school, and she used to be psycho.. Now, she's much more serious, and because she had moved and went to Fermi, we didn't see her anymore.. She thought Kevin was freaky.. >_< And Kevin's like, one of the coolest guys ever! ... Aside from Loki.. >> But.. anyway... Last time I saw Melissa was the day I went insane.. ^^'' She never knew it happened, for she had likely left and I was, of course, way out too far away to be heard screaming and such.. But yeah.. it was awkward.. we didn't even talk to her, likely because we scared her...
Then there was Jo(e) and Chris. They live in Suffield and are friends of Akiiair... But they were there too.. o_O .. It was weird.. Basically them, Kevin, Marissa, and Cat were about the only people that talked to us.. And.. there were a lot of people.. XP It was so obvious that we were loners cause me and her sat at a table by ourselves and the others had like, 6 people each at them.. But nya. Joe played with my chains and all.. calling herself a sex slave.. >>' Also, she attached one to my collar and kinda went psycho with it.. But it was funny.. I kinda felt bad for Chris though.. I could feel his slight depression I and I kinda could guess how he was feeling being there.. Wish I could talk to him more.. But really.. neither of us are really conversationalists.. so.. we didn't say much edgewise.. There was also this tall thin lady thing that looked like Akiiair older... O_O it was scary.. o_o'''
Oh! And the best part! .. They had music playing.. And.. They played the Techno Song from Strongbad.. XD Twas so good. This Thing had been (trying *cough*) to hum it on the way there.. and then they played it.. XP Twas more ironicness.. but nya.. Cool.
Oky... I'll stop boring whoever decides to read this now.. and yeah. FOS to teh Ness~
~Dasair | | |
| Rain..
PD|0
DS|2
MD|0
_______________________________________________________________
... meh.. don really feel like it right now... >> *puts up 'do not disturb' sign*
_______________________________________________________________
.. Ok.. There is only one reason why I'm postin this now... And tis cause I don't wanna forget.
Today This Thing wasn't at school... She's sick or somethin... But yeah.. I'm guessin you all know what this is gonna be about, so if ya don't wanna hear about it, I'd advise running away now. o_o
You have been warned...
I saw 'Loki' more times then usual today... Mainly because I was going different ways around the school that I usually woundn't have (been able) to go/gone.. Though, there was this one time in particular when I saw him that stood out to me for some reason...
Twas before gym.. It was gonna be the 2nd time I had seen him so far, and if I walk slow enough to my gym class, (it's just down the hall) I can see him.. Anyway, I timed it right... I was all pretty slow and by myself cause no one else ever walks with me aside from This Thing when she's there... I was lookin out the window as I was walkin.. It was raining today, and I find the outside, even if it's raining, to be more interesting than inside where all there is to look at is people and showcases that have been the same since last year... Beside that I like the rain.. But anyway, I was lookin outside... Then I glanced in front of me, because really, the only reason I was so slow was to get a glimpse of 'Loki' ... And he just turned the corner when I looked..
There was no one else in the hallway really.. There usually isn't at that time.. And 'Loki' was walkin down the hall, and as usual, he was lookin at me as I was lookin at him... Though I never really stare too long, at least if he's staring back, and I looked out the window again.. When I did that, he was still lookin at me, I could tell with the corner of my eye, and then he looked out the window too when he was walkin by me... I just sorta kept goin, lookin at him, cause for one thing, he's.. yeah.. and the other was he was blockin the window... Then once we'd passed eachother, I looked at the goddamn gym door.. Stupid thing has to be right there.. But before I went down the stairs, I looked back to see him walkin.. Now he was lookin out the window.. And it looked like he started to turn around too, but when he started doin that I opened the door to go downstairs....
I don know.. For some reason.. it almost felt like.. we knew each other or something.. It was really weird.. But it made me feel good... And even when it was happening.. it almost seemed like we knew each other.. It's not one of those typea things that, after it happens, your mind warps it to fit your liking.. I actually felt that way when it happened, and thought it too...And it was just.. really cool.
Thas basicly the only reason why I posted this.. And though I doubt I'll forget, I just want to make sure.. Cause it made me feel pretty happy.. And if I can remember how I felt typing this and when it happend when I read back on this like.. a long time from now... Then it might make me feel good then too...
Also.. that might've just given me enough courage to try and say something to him again. Maybe.
I'm not saying I will...
But maybe....
~Dasair
| | |
|
|
